Remembering the Red Coat

I thought this month I would relay an observation to you. I don't think that this is a summer story but it is a family law story nonetheless.

I was in my favorite courthouse the other day in the afternoon on a Matrimonial Early Settlement Panel. I was actually in the courthouse the entire day as I had an Uncontested Divorce that I placed upon the record earlier in the morning. As you come to learn in the courts, it is usually a "hurry-up and wait" situation. Hurry up to make the court's call and then wait to be called. Well my client and I were in the waiting stage of the process.

I consider myself to be hardened. I have been involved in bad cases; cases that haunt you as an attorney. But the worst cases are ones that involve children. Children always seems to tear at my heart. Maybe because I am a father of three children or maybe it is because I know what is in store for most of these children. Regardless, it always breaks my heart to see children wandering around the halls of the court. They all have this scared look on their faces.

On this particular day it was supervised visitation day at the courthouse for some father. The grandmother had actually taken her granddaughter for her one hour a week with her father in some room in the courthouse. That is court supervised visitation. Usually reserved for those parents found guilty of violence toward either their spouse or the child. I caught a glimpse of the father and did not think one way or the other. However, as I saw him leave the courthouse later on he appeared not to have a care in the world. No remorse, no consequence, just playing the game.

What hurt me was to watch this sweet, innocent little girl who clung to her doll and had a fear in her face that was memorable. The supervisor at the courthouse was trying gingerly to inch her into the room, but this child did not want to be there. The grandmother at this point was in tears. I don't know if she was crying over the fear of the child or over the injustice of the system that would demand that this child come to a courthouse to see her father. I did not know any of these people and I was fighting back my emotions.

The grandmother came over to us as if to cling on to anyone. She told my client and I that the father was a domestic violence offender who took liberties with her daughter that will probably scare all involved for years to come. The grandmother went on to tell that the father actually beat the mother (her daughter) while the mother was holding this little girl. It was heartbreaking to hear this.

I am reminded of the movie Schindler's List. Steven Spielberg makes this modern day movie about the Holocaust during World War II in black and white. The only color he used in the entire movie was to show this little girl in a red coat. The red coat. You later see the red coat (color again) in a mass grave. Why did Spielberg do this? What was the symbolism? I can't remember much of this movie (selective memory) but I remember the red coat. I recall the same feelings watching this child go to her supervised court visitation as when I was watching the girl in the red coat marching to her death without her parents not knowing what was in store for her.It haunts me.

We all speak of civility and how we as a civilized people are advanced and a cut above the rest of the world. But what kind of people do these things to others?Does this father know that his daughter is terrified to see him? Does he know that this innocent child must come to a filthy courthouse to visit him once a week or month? Does he know that this little child will carry these scares long into the future? What are going through their minds?

We all need to step back and thing about the actions we take. Think about the consequences and whether the gambles and the liberties we take with one another are really worth it. What I saw in the court this past week could not convince me of anything but a crime upon this child.

This month, let's start thinking ahead in years (not weeks or months) and think how our children will view this time that we are going through and how we treated one another. Were we dignified or were we simply drowning and using the children as temporary floatation...cannon fodder? Did you think of your family and how to make it work going forward, or did you do your best to dismantle family foundations?

Each one of us have choice. The courts are filled with those who make the wrong choices. What choice will you make?

Have a Happy Summer and no complaining about the heat! Do I have to remind everyone about the perpetual winter this past year? Heat is good.

Have a great month....